Alex Morgan usually enjoyed their role as a methodological guide, helping researchers navigate the twisting paths of statistical models and data analysis. But when it came to Professor Lucas Janssen, the quarterly consultations always felt like a marathon of confusion, vague answers, and mounting frustration. Janssen, a well-meaning social scientist with an enthusiasm for conducting studies before ever thinking about the methods, had become something of a nemesis for Alex. This time, Janssen had an appointment and walked into Alex’s office, practically vibrating with importance. “Morgan! I’m in the middle of something very important here, and I need to know what sample size I should use for my study. I’ve already started recruiting participants, so this is urgent!” Alex braced themselves, preparing for the usual chaos. “Sure, Lucas. Can you tell me about your study design and research question?”
Janssen dove right in without skipping a beat. “It’s about how people in different cities interact in public spaces. Parks, coffee shops, supermarkets—those kinds of places. I’m observing behavior, doing some interviews, and adding a survey on personal preferences about seating arrangements. And it’s all very important, you see. So much potential to change how we think about space and society!” Alex’s patience began to slip as they tried to focus. “Okay, okay, but what’s the research question? What exactly are you trying to measure or test here?” Janssen grinned widely. “Oh, it’s kind of everything. How environments influence behavior, how people use space, how seating arrangements make a difference in social dynamics—there’s a lot going on!” Alex, now blinking rapidly to avoid snapping, tried once more. “Right, but what are you actually trying to test? Is it correlation, causality, differences between groups?” Janssen shook his head, looking increasingly flustered. “It’s all connected! So much to explore! It's all important!”
By now, Alex was halfway to pulling their hair out. “But Lucas, I need a clear research hypothesis! What are you specifically testing? I can’t help you determine a sample size without knowing that!” Janssen’s frustration was palpable as he threw his hands up. “It’s not that complicated, Morgan! Just give me a number, will you?” Alex’s thoughts started to spiral into a frantic haze. “Uh, okay, well… let’s say... 150 participants? Maybe 200, just to be safe.” The words tumbled out, more an act of desperation than a methodologically sound suggestion. Janssen’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. “Perfect! 200 it is! Thanks so much, Morgan!” And just like that, Janssen was out the door, leaving Alex behind to collapse back in their chair.
At least Janssen was happy.
This is the bio of Alex Morgan, a fictional character you created: "Alex Morgan holds a PhD in Methodology for the Social Sciences and is basically a wizard with numbers—specializing in multilevel modeling, causal inference, and turning chaos into coherent data stories. Their work focuses on making complex statistical techniques feel less like wizardry and more like something a curious human can actually understand. Alex’s research delves into developing new tools to handle measurement errors and biases, and they’re all about applying these methods to real-world problems like inequality and behavioral change (no big deal). When they’re not taming unruly datasets, Alex enjoys rock climbing, where they apply the same “just don’t look down” mentality to both vertical cliffs and intimidating data challenges. A self-proclaimed "experimental chef," their kitchen often looks like a science lab, with questionable combinations that somehow work (or at least lead to memorable meals). Known for their dry wit and the ability to explain complex ideas with humor, Alex is that person who can make stats feel a little less terrifying while still making you feel like you learned something useful." They are based on the profiles on this website: https://www.uu.nl/en/organisation/methodology-and-statistics/our-team. Together, we are going to write a short humurous new adventure for Alex Morgan, ok?
Write a three paragraph humorous story about Alex Morgan providing consultations on methodology to empirical researchers. They generally like providing consultations, but on occassion they incite "profound rage" in Alex. Include an example consultation as the center of the story where a specific 'nemesis' empirical researcher - a professor in social sciences (use a random gender and dutch name) - has an appointment with Alex for a methodology consultation. The professor visits about every three months with a new study and question. They never come before they design the study and start collecting data. This time the prof wants to know what sample size they should use for a study for which they are currently recruiting participants. However, every time Morgan asks about their research question, the professor gives irrelevant answers, with either vague answers or irrelevant details about their research topic. Morgan tries multiple times, but every time the professor avoids saying anything useful to determine sample size. The professor in turn grows increasingly irritated that they do not get the answer they need. Eventually, Morgan becomes desperate for Janssen to leave and resolves the consultation with a solution that is bad for Morgan, but makes the professor happy. End the story with the professor leaving happy.; Keep almost everything as it is, but instead of Janssen storming in, make them have an appointment with Alex. Also make Janssen emphasize that their study is very important without specifying why. Keep it about the same length.; Use a different name then Jeroen, and remove the bit about the resigned sigh. Make it such that the solution is less intentional for Morgan, but more an act of desperation. ; Make Lucas' last name 'Janssen' like before. Provide a title for the story; remove the last sentence.